This guide is a must-have for any ibankcoin.com user looking to properly communicate with others:

47.5: The cut-off age after which one becomes “old,” and plain ole vanilla gay. If you are above the age limit, kindly close the browser and leave.

Angelo: A mythical creature (manbearpig?) who is blamed upon the ruination of thousand/million/billion dollar situations, or the description of said creatures actions. “Kidstock totally Angeloed his account last year”

Asshat: A magical hat, granting the benefactor of said hat insurmountable stupidity in the face of needed leadership. “Wow, John Mack is an asshat.”

Asshole Dip Buyer: The unnamed force that saves the bulls and comes in to buy stocks trading at a “bargain.” Always aged below 47.5, these traders, aka as the PPT, will come in nimbly and eviscerate the bearshitters by squeezing all their shorts. “Did anyone catch the A.D.B. bidding 100k RIMM at 3:50pm, ruining some beashitter’s homo honey-hole play?

Bearshitter: A miscreant douchebag––stemming from the Latin Ursus poopare. Needlessly pessimistic, the bearshitter often bears the brunt of well-placed jokes, and is universally recognized by the financial world as “clowny” and at times “runtish.” To be a bearshitter, you must satisfy the following:

1.) proclaim unknowns as truths

2.) forecast down

3.) borrow punditry from Tim Knight.

4.) automatically eligible if over age 47.5

5.) chronically wrong, with a rare good call.

Though the bulls and the bullish things bearshitters abhor often get their comeuppance at some point, it comes in the form of brief spike downs, only after weeks of poor market calling, often to the detriment of week old puts trading below cost. “Doug Kass is a bearshitter––accordingly, he is also a douchebag.”

Behold!: When the glory of one’s presence or the strength of one’s argument renders someone else’s point so moot that the only reaction they can muster is to simply behold your glory and attempt to hide their shame. “Behold!”

Chinese Lotto: Any and all Chinese stocks, especially the new IPOs. A smattering of chinese lottery ticks.

Douchebag: A less reviled form of the ‘Angelo.’ May include some or all of the telltale signs of bearshitterdom. “Chuck is a douchebag.”

Ducati: The greatest stat/arb trading robot ever created. Co-opted by Toyota and GSAM. Achieved 126/126 trades, using zero risk, and with monthly gains of 26 odd percent. Proficient in use of “vis-á-vis.” “Wall St. traders this Xmas will be eager to achieve Ducati status, after all, bonuses are at stake.

Fucktarded: 1.5 standard deviations below retarded. “If you need an example of this, you are fucktarded.”

FUPA: A fat, upper-pussy area.

Garbagio: A fancy type of garbage stock. For a stock to be “garbagio,” a high quality stock must start acting like trash. “Prior to earnings, RIMM was garbagio”

Get Your Share: A call to arms, commanding the listener to earn billions via the internets.

GME Theory: Pioneered by Cramer, this is the idea that when a sector is hot but has a lot of players, buy the stock of the company that benefits from all sides. [[ATVI]] and [[ERTS]] both lose money developing games and rely on peak-cycle sales to make money. And, what, you’re gonna buy [[SNE]]? Exactly. Or, you could buy [[GME]], which benefits whether I buy an ATVI game, an ERTS game, or a SNE machine. Look at a 2 year chart…GME has SHAT on the others. When shopping in an up-cycle sector, always apply the GME theory.

Goat Fucker: A term of derision used to describe the myriad groups of losers, retards, and generally wrong people who don’t fall into the “Bearshitter” or “Douchebag” camps. Goat Fuckers, like microbes on earth, are ubiquitous on the Internets. The word remains one of the more versatile in our rich lexicon––for instance, one can be a Goat Fucker for ill-informed views on Medicaid, while still not yet being a Douchebag, or even close to a Bearshitter. Or, one is called a Goat Fucker for simply not accepting one’s own “Angelo” behavior. Also worth mentioning are the vast array of Goat Fucker offshoots–Cactus Fucker, Can of Corn Fucker, or similarly, the suggestion one “Go fuck a can of Corn.” When you invite the reader to “Fuck a Goat” or a “can of corn,” you are openly implying that they are a Goat Fucker, and as such, simply designating them as “Goat Fucker” will suffice in subsequent namings. “The yahoo message board is the quintessential podium for many an internet Goat Fucker.” “Hey Goat Fucker…you like that LNN short?”

Honey Hole: If you were to pay attention to technical analysis tomfoolery, this is where you would short the market––the exact intersection where the magically meaningless lines cross. It’s like when the stars cross paths and that very movement determines the course of your life–only this is the stock market and infinitely more consequential. The phrase should be used at least once per sentence, thrice per paragraph, by Bearshitters, and no one else. Despite the similarities between Bearshitters and Douchebags, Douchebags rarely, if ever, use this phrase. Also, users of the “Honey Hole” are likely proponents of the Trading Goddess and will be persecuted as such.

Homo: The politically correct titular admonition for any and all inferior stocks. “[[GBT]] is a homo stock”

Homo-Hammer: When one has been dealt a ‘homo-hammer’ or a ‘homo-hammer of death’ you are effectively on the receiving end of the market as a whole, who has decided to Angelo one of your stocks, or preferred bullshit sector. “Watching [[SWC]] get the Homo-Hammer day-in and day-out isn’t as gay as it sounds.”

Illegals: Not unlike the load-bearing Krusty the Klown poster in Bart Simpson’s room, Illegals often don’t get the credit they deserve given what they do. For all intents and purposes, they keep The Fly’s yard tidy, while showing poise and grace in the face of being pelted by cans of Monster Soda.

Kitchen Sink Quarter: THE K.S.Q is when a company fails so miserably, you get people within the firm vying to shit in the sink, or on office desks, whichever is more reflective, to appropriately convey their dissatisfaction to their superiors. This can lead to a fist fight among those lying in wait with clenched asscheeks trying to get a piece of the “kitchen sink.” Thanks to Boca for figuring that one out for us.

An alternate definition is A K.S.Q., where due to some asshat, you must write-off everything on the books, except for the kitchen sink, which presumably has no subprime, credit, or derivative exposure. Thanks to Juice for putting that one together. Please refer to “write-off” for more color.

Lofty: An extraordinarily shallow description analysts use to imply earnings estimates are too high. Come out and say they’re too high, like a man––to call anything lofty, well, you sir, are a can of corn fucker.

Magician: An achiever of Financial Magic. Highly, highly regarded on the street. “What type of Magician moved CDO’s with no liquidity or buyers to a mythcial tier-3 tranche on [[LEH]]’s balance sheet with no write-down?

Milk The Farmer: A mantra reflecting the willingness to bank as much coin as possible off of the current Agriculture cycle. For so many years, the farmer has milked the cow, then charged me money said delicious product––effectively milking me as well. Well, now the milked shall milk the milker, and goddammit, is it satisfying.

Odd, no?: A sarcastically true statement. “As silly as you think this may be, you are actually appreciative I made a list like this. Odd, no?” “Dinosaur’s blog is described as homo by Ragin. Odd, no?

Off to Romania: A two-pronged meaning, depending on context. The more common usage is a vague threat aimed at the Market in general who you suspect is going to Angelo your portfolio. Not taken lightly, to use “Off To Romania,” would indicate confidence that stocks are officially for asshats and not to be bothered with––fairly reflecting a grave sense of doom. “After today’s close, posting may be light, as I’m off to Romania.” The alternate usage appears after a short or long period of poor performance. “My biggest positions for the last 6 months have been SIRI, HLYS, CFC, and VG. My smallest positions were AAPL, FWLT, POT, and TNH. Off to Romania.”

Pah: An exclamatory, used by non-American English speakers to rebuke a known fact with an unknown and probably incorrect one.

Pisant: Like a pissant, but pronounced [pi-Zhant]. A Pisant is a Pisani-like person who means little, yet has a figurehead position, often to the dismay of others. “Oh, good…Pisant is finally citing non-Chinese blog based sources during his daily ranting” Or, “so many Pisants in the PG, where do I start?”

Ride the Monster: A former mantra we used to profit from the explosive growth of energy drinks. We have ridden the monster very successfully here, and are mostly off this trend. See “Milk the Farmer” for more color.

Robster: When you say “lobster” but what you really mean is “chicken.” Originally, it describes a common bait-and-switch used by Chinese restaurants…you order lobster, you get chicken. In modern times, however, its meaning shifted and it now means when one is promised one thing, but given another. “[[MVIS]] keeps giving us robster…”

Shoe To Drop: An expression used to describe anything that is remotely and conceptually possible, while simultaneously bad. Intended to be “colloquially smart,” as in, it sounds understandable to the layman, but its true meaning is really a dearth of complexity. Which shoe, and why? Often used in tandem with “wall of worry” or “write-downs” on the financial news circuit.

Solar Burrito: Alternative energy and solar stocks, frequently have high PEs, little to no net income, or both. The Solar Burrito pokes fun at exuberance towards a hot sector. Solar shit is so hot, that by simply placing “solar” next to a semi-worthless, and totally irrelevant burrito, all of a sudden, it sounds cooler, and that much more lucrative. “I would pay 500x earnings for a solar burrito.”

Tan One, The: A reference to Angelo Mozilo, an Angelo, or any Angelo situation. Can also reference managerial ineptitude. “BWLD’s higher chicken prices? I Blame The Tan One.”

Technical Analysis: “Divining” stock trades based on magical lines, frequently ignoring commonly followed “fundamentals.” The epitome of trading for the lazy and ignorant. Frequently used by bearshitters to “explain” things. Go ahead, use TA, just make sure you let us know when you’re playing amateur night at the forum so we all can show up to

ZING!

you. “I follow technical analysis, yet sell winners to quick, and pile on losers. I love doji stars, but remain an impotent trader. I need to backtest more.”

Ticktard: When a trader foolishly buys and sells a stock at the most retarded possible time/price due to minute price movements and the fear that he will be wrong.

Ex. Buy 200 HANS at 40, sell 2 days later at 38, due to stop. See it running two days later, buy at 44 on a breakout, sell at 42 that afternoon as it plummets. Next day it opens at 46. At 46.50, you do nothing. The next day it opens at 44.75 , and you feel somewhat vindicated. The third day it gaps up 10% on a GS upgrade to 60, and at 48 you buy it. You are a ticktard.

Trader Servant: A magical wood nymph who fills the orders you place online. Using a wood nymph to fill orders is ideal because they are expendable––if you get a bad fill, or are otherwise irked, you have the go ahead to beat the trader servant to death with your civil war era paper weight to relieve the anger. There’ll be another one in its place tomorrow.

Viz.: An “any” word. Used as a participle, a modifier, or a gerund. Categorically, a complete sentence. Is the only word known to channel the spirit of the “Ducati.” this wonderful phrase expresses the sentiments “clearly,” “namely,” or, “it’s fucking obvious.” “AAPL will have a stranglehold on the home computing market for years to come. Don’t bet against her. Viz.”

Vis-á-Vis: To compare or attribute things to one another, often incorrectly. “Hurricane Katrina, vis-á-vis changes in crop rotation, surely affected our Ethanol shortage situation today.”

Wall of Worry: Coined by Joseph Heller, the author of “Catch-22,” this assemblage of words indicates when a TV know-it-all acknowledges that the higher a stock or the market goes, the more likely it is to be inferior. Circular in the sense that “if it costs more, it should be better, but apparently isn’t.” One caveat of this wall is that it is the wall of “worry,” not the wall of “fruition,” as in, whatever the worry is, it may never come to pass. “Boy, the Dow is flat for the year–she sure is climbing that wall of worry.”

Write-(Off)Down: When a company buys something hastily, greedily, homoly, or stupidly, then finally acknowledges after many, many other people that said asset is worth less than rotten bull balls. “Meg Whitman’s acquisition of skype was an Angelo in the making–she bought a homo company for way too much, invariably leading to billion dollar write-downs for eBay.

ZING!: The pronouncement made following a well-timed and deserved insult. Always forms its own parapgraph, no indent. Also, the embodiment of “mocking a loser,” though usually a rueful one. Its more common usage is to follow a needlessly harsh insult with a

ZING!

to let the recipient know the joke was made in jest, and not borne from animosity.

“Woodshedder giving away trading books is like Al Roker giving away diet books.

ZING!”

ZOLT: Coined by Jefferson Krull. Used in times of duress over poor trading.

Like many other four-letter words, ZOLT is usable in multiple ways, as a noun, a verb or even an adjective.
Zolt (n.) - Damn, that is a big piece of ZOLT over there.
Zolt (v.) - Even though I’ve been married for 6 years, it would be nice to get a little ZOLT from my wife from time to time.
Zolt (adj.) - After that guy took my parking space I was ready to punch him right in the ZOLTING face