Accounting and Life Lessons…by Danny on March 26th, 2008 at 3:48:01 pm |
I studied Accounting in college, but until today, I haven’t been able to grasp the enormity of the profession. That is, until I realized I need to think like an Accountant. It’s not the application of principles — it’s a mind set.
Accordingly, here are some my new ‘Life Accounting Rules.’
1.) Always read the footnotes.
–When dating - You HAVE to go through the whole 10-k throughly. Also, you must know about any and all off balance sheet items including but not limited to prior children, disease, and fire-crotch. Give it a once-over.
Imagine the embarrassment when your friends catch you marked-to-market with a junior CDO-squared, when all the while you were claiming a simple marked-to-model senior. Exactly.
Headline: There are a shitload of hot, beautiful, and friendly girls in San Diego. Footnote: 1:4 have something.
Headline: Booyah! Footnote: Booyahis not an investment adviser and is not a registered FINRA broker/dealer. Booyah may be wrong, and likely is.
– Eating out while drunk - Avoid all Level III restaurants. Mezzanine tranches (Mexican, dive bars) can be ok, but some can be toxic, so eat at your peril. I enjoy those with an equity-kicker (Beer on tap).
2.) Reg FD - You should be forthright in all your personal doings and conduct business openly like a gentleman.
The thing is, no one can fault you if you follow it up with, or precede it with, “In accordance with Reg FD…” because it adds so much legitimacy.
“Baby, I really like you and these last few weeks have been great, but my auditor insists I discuss with you some of my off balance sheet items. I have a kid and a short-sale on my house. And in the interest of Reg FD, I borrowed your credit cards.”
“I’ve never enjoyed spending time with a girl like I do with you. Fair disclosure, you’re too beautiful for me…you mind if I spend the night at your house tonight…and for the next two weeks straight?”
She will love you for your candor.
“Of course I love the sweater Grandma, it’s just that, fair disclosure, this is a terrible birthday present.” - She actually returned the sweater that day and came back with an ipod.
Ya know, just some thoughts.
Finally, this is hilarious.
But, this is better.
[...] Accounting and Life Lessons… I have a kid and a short-sale on my house. And in the interest of Reg FD, I borrowed your credit cards. [...]
March 26th, 2008 at 4:57:32 pm[...] Accounting and Life Lessons… I have a kid and a short-sale on my house. And in the interest of Reg FD, I borrowed your credit cards. [...]
March 26th, 2008 at 5:14:25 pmha!
March 26th, 2008 at 5:17:16 pmWow … you found my ebay auction for the Bear Stearns squeezeable bear toy, I wondered if anybody here would see it. Glad you liked my little bit of performance art with the bear and the comments.
And now you know how I wasted part of last weekend… I sold five or six of those things.
somebody even stole one of the photos and used it in their auction.
Good stuff with the accounting standards and girls, very funny!
March 26th, 2008 at 5:20:43 pmI added a big old shout out to everybody at iBankcoin.com in the Ebay auction. It’s in the Q and A section at the bottom because that’s the only place it would let me add text this close to the auction end.
Here’s how I snuck it in…
“Q: Would you ship to Macau(near Hong Kong) thanks! Mar-26-08
A: Sorry, there is no international shipping on this item. However, if you like my sarcastic sense of humor you will LOVE one of my favorite stock blogs, iBankCoin dot com. iBankCoin (warning not for the easily offended) is run by the infamous Fly on Wall Street. Fly has an IQ of 155 and a very unique outlook on Wall Street and stocks. A shout out also goes out my other trading friends blogging on iBankCoin, the mad trader RaginCajun, Gunners tearing it up in commercial RE, DPeezy rockin’ my options world, and Woodshedder, the best chart chomper on the Internet. If that’s a bit too insane for you, relax a bit at Uncle Howard’s, my other favorite stock blog, at howardlindzon dot com, one very smart dude. Cheers, mates!”
A bit of free advertising. Here is the auction link
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&rd=1&item=350039629082&ssPageName=STRK:MESE:IT&ih=022
Jeez, just realized I forgot to mention Danny, my bad. That was unintentional, sorry.
March 26th, 2008 at 6:13:37 pmI can’t believe that bear auction is you that is a fucking crack up. Its a small internets.
Thanks for the shout out. They’ll find me if they get here so its the same difference.
March 26th, 2008 at 6:37:33 pmDanno,
You’re much too bright and egregiously humorous for the accounting profession. But, if you like reconciling cash and computing sampling error for inventories, then have at it.
If CNBC and Mad Money had the balls, they would hire you as the arch nemesis to Cramer, heckling him on the show and basically calling him out on the mat to keep him honest.
March 26th, 2008 at 6:42:14 pmI couldn’t believe it either, I was laughing away reading your accounting satire and then I clicked the link, and thought that’s weird, why am I at my auction? Doh! Too funny.
March 26th, 2008 at 6:42:30 pmAlpha - thanks. Overall, I agree with all that you said.
boca - yeah, I’m still chucklin.
March 26th, 2008 at 10:18:11 pmhahahahah funny yet somehow frightening, sort of.
March 26th, 2008 at 10:29:22 pmYeah seriously. As ADawgg said, how do you expect to live in the accounting world without being a robot/drone?
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The picture of that bear needs to be saved and brought out at opportune times, a la the ‘gay bull’ or the ‘golden bull’ or ‘the tanned one’, etc.
Nice work, boca/myjewelsplus.
March 26th, 2008 at 10:40:31 pmFeel free to download and save any of the bear pictures for use at IBC, the dead bear is classic.
March 27th, 2008 at 3:32:30 am