1.) Dennis Kneale weeps on air like chris crocker pleading with the media to “leave Greenspan alone.”

2.) Meredith Whitney becomes the new host of Street Signs.

3.) Maria no longer wears make-up despite the channel moving to HD.

4.) CNBC ticker runs on a 20-minute delay due “rising input costs.” Besides, who needs a live feed when you know where the price is going?

4.) Mad Money is canceled. Cramer will cite the nature of the ratings agencies and how collusion between viewers likely pushed his ratings down.

5.) Bill Fleck and Herb Greenberg fly to China together to do a special report. And no, there is no Becky Quick.

6.) JJ200426 is lauded as an up-and-coming blogger who roiled the markets with his prescient bullish “20 fold” Palladium calls during the tumultuous 2004-2008 years, when basic materials and commodity plays faltered hard.

Sadly, none of these things have happened yet.