As you know, “The Fly” fired his last Japanese barber, due to insane price gouging. So, in the spirit of not giving a fuck and acting “low IQish,” I decided to get my hair cut by some weird old Italian dude, at my local mall.

Mistake number one.

The place was a complete pigsty, with about 100 barber chairs, filled with “shopping mall fucktards,” and middle aged hatfuckers.

Frankly, under normal high IQ conditions, “The Fly” wouldn’t spit at this barber shop, let alone get his fucking hair cut inside it.

Anyway, I sat down and the man who was assigned to me asked if I wanted a “number 2 or number 3,” referring to his chopping machine, which he readily destroys perfectly good hair with.

I replied: “I don’t want my hair to be cut with razor clippers, instead use a pair of scissors.”

Mistake number 2.

To summarize a fucking nightmare experience, this guy left me looking like I have down syndrome or some shit.

Not only did he trim my side burns; he eliminated them. The back of my head has been mangled– and the top resembles a pineapple.

After sitting in his disgusting chair for 15 minutes, I had enough and asked for mercy.

For 12 bucks, minus the tip, I had my hair destroyed by some shopping mall misfit.

I’m sure under different circumstances, I would have raised hell and left that old fucker with the shakes. However, on this day, “The Fly” was to leave the shopping mall, tame, looking like a fucking pineapple– minus the delicious fruity part.

Shortly thereafter, I buzzed my hair down to fuzz.

Now, I look like a fucking skin head, minus the Nazi bullshit.

UPDATE: Danny’s fired, mainly due to poor work ethic. It was a long time coming. Come on.