iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,449 Blog Posts

A New Gilded Age is Upon Us

We are entering a newly minted Gilded Age, where $500 hamburgers will be deemed cheap and entirely beneath the average run of the mill connoisseur. The Bureau of Welfare will be replaced with high end wineries, where aged California reds will auction for $1,000,000—minimum.

I’ve taken the liberty to secure property, in desolate areas in the Northeast corridors of the United States, for the intent and deliberate purpose of making pinless hand grenades. They will make fantastic party favors, during the next Gilded Age.

People will dance in the streets, fat and naked, while men hang off of street lamps, blowing horns and playing accordions— until drunken and gay policemen pay them thousands of dollars to go home. The stock market will bite the faces off of short sellers, like hungry rattle snakes in the midst of a busy basketball court, littered with people in wheeled chairs.

President Obama will be declared a “living God.” The people shall vote him “Emperor for life”; and the republican party will move to Mexico, where they will oversee the important business of sweat shop discipline.

Money will be so plentiful, people will use it to line their kitty litters. And, of course, C-notes will be used as tinder for the traditional and mandatory Saturday afternoon BBQ, in the next Gilded Era.

As for me, I shall seek to destroy all big booted clowns, by way of shooting them out of purple cannons into nuclear power plants. My blog will become a picture zoo for traveling circus enemies and my burgeoning “pinless” hand grenade business.

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63 comments

  1. Atlantis

    …you forgot that we’ll be living entirely on renewable energy and 50% of the population will become gay.

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  2. Chuck Bennet

    If this is true then taxi cabs for my girls @ 4am will cost me some serious $$.

    regards

    chuck

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  3. The Fly

    Everyone but “The Fly” will become gay.

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  4. masterpain

    Nice watch Fly…but bling is so passe

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  5. ganjaleo

    you forgot fantasia music that will be playing in the background(preferably from the horse-people scene). I would like to see kush become the dominant world currency.

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  6. The Fly

    masterpain:

    correct. i changed it to fit the post. Good call.

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  7. Anton Cigur

    And on that day, the Gretsky house will sell.

    For a seven-figure loss.

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  8. The Fly

    WE SHALL ALL BE GIVEN GRETZKY HOUSES!!!

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  9. Itchy & Scratchy
    Itchy & Scratchy

    I nominate you runner-up for the “Most Nonsensical Word Collection” of the week award. Your were edged out by the recent lunacy of Jeff Macke. So sorry.

    http://www.fundmymutualfund.com/2009/05/holy-jeff-macke.html

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  10. MOOBER

    The thing the Time Traveller held in his gaze was a shiny metallic spyglass, scarcely larger than a small golf club, and very hastily made. There was ivory in it, and some cold crystalline leaf.

    And now I must be quiet, for this that follows–unless his explanation is to be accepted–is an absolutely stunning thing.

    He took one of the small octagonal candy wrappers that were scattered about the room, and set it in front of the spyglass. And, with two piano strings attached to the belt of his trousers, he began to sing. “I will rule them with an iron fist and a velvet gaze” was his tome.

    Suddenly he drew up a chart, full of lines and profanity and the candy wrappers that he placed before the mechanism.

    “I eat the candy. Only I eat the candy,” he sang.

    There were also perhaps a dozen leather gloves strewn about, two in cartons made from clown skulls upon the mantel and several in the lit in the fire. They glowed, as if full of joy for the candy eater, so that the room was illuminated.

    I melted in a low arm-chair nearest the time traveling candy eater, and I drew forward so as to be almost between the Time Traveller and the fire. He stared at the fire, as if unaware of my presence.

    I surveyed the room.

    The Bone Thrower sat behind him, looking over his charts.

    The Soldier and another watched him in profile from the right, at ease with themselves.

    The Man with the Gold Finger watched from the left, which struck me as ironic.

    The Very Young Man stood directly behind the candy eater, trying to move his arm.

    We were gathered for a party. Or were we?

    It appears the men were hungry, and to me, would have been satisfied with foods from a tin.

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  11. j0sh1ngU

    The dollar will find support between 80-81.5. Worst and worst case is 77-81.5

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  12. CAP

    People will dance in the streets, fat and naked, while men hand off of the street lamp, blowing horns and playing accordions

    Should that not read hang off ?

    The stock market will bit the faces off of short sellers

    Bite ?

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  13. mustard seeds

    Were the men hungry, or remembering the simple days when Monster Java fulfilled their cravings?

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  14. The Fly

    cap

    fixed.

    thnx

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  15. ME

    Based on Flys post;
    I’m going home, country formally known as USSR (where openly gay just wont “Fly”, unless you like getting the cap beat out of you in broad daylight)…
    where bribes were, are and always will be “in style”….
    Gonna get real “buddy buddy” with some folks who will help me get my hands
    on some sort of natural resources (They got more then they know what to do with)
    And take that shit public…and stop trading…stick to selling!

    I may be onto something!

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  16. ME

    line 2 cap=crap…sorr, long day and vodka didnt help

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  17. Dostoevsky

    Apropos of nothing… or it could be the fine sauternes with dinner,however, that is some fine writing, The Fly. The best! A few roubles to burn would be fine. Indeud!

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  18. DEVILDOG

    Your reflation inflation call is totally wrong. I suggest you read about the velocity of money and think before spewing out conventional wisdom like everyone else in the world.

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  19. Anton Cigur

    And on that day, to huzzahs and Hosannahs, our Moms’ credit card bills will be paid in full for our multiduninous NetJets flights out of Cleveland!

    And, yea, verily, the manifold gas tanks of our many leased Maybachs will be full once more!

    Oh happy day! Oh New Gelded Age!

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  20. Anton Cigur

    And on that day, “the velocity of money” shall be calibrated to coincide with the speed with which Devil Dog’s Viper eludes the pursuit of the repo man!

    So it is written! So it shall be done!

    (Good to see you, Devil Dog. Hope the recent run-up hasn’t paralyzed your portfolio.)

    And with that I bid good evening to you ladies, gentlemen and pikers.

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  21. Bernie's accountant
    Bernie's accountant

    Can we talk about something different for a little while. How about what’s great with America…. like the Gerry Springer show and the possibility that Main Street may not be altogether different from the show’s guests.

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  22. j

    I suggest you read about the velocity of money and think before spewing out conventional wisdom like everyone else in the world.

    Lot’s of laughs.The Dogs is now talking about the velocity of money.

    Hey Dogs, isn’t that a fig tree of your imagination though, in that the corrupt government is publishing those bad numbers.

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  23. j

    S&P downgrades UK outlook to negative. Usually a precursor to the full debt downgrade.

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  24. George Michael
    George Michael

    People will dance in the streets, fat and naked, while men hang off of street lamps, blowing horns and playing accordions— until drunken and gay policemen pay them thousands of dollars to go home.

    This is already happening in San Fransicko. Can you tell more stories about gay policemen?

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  25. Eric

    I just read that the hyper-inflations of Weimar and Zim. were really caused by speculators shorting the currency. If true, then money velocity doesn’t always matter. But Gov. defecits do.

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  26. Cash-N-Guns

    just returned from an early am fishing run in the Gulf..redfish,sea trout, few grouper too. It occured to me as I filet these bad boys most urbanite faggots couldnt survive a week if the local foodmart shut the fuck down. I surmise also that it would be fun to watch. Banks are fucked.

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  27. j

    This Australian gal has become an overnight webs sensation in Australia.

    Very politically incorrect. “Wog”… these days means “wog” means mid-easterner, usually Lebanese.

    http://news.ninemsn.com.au/national/815911/shooting-witness-becomes-internet-celebrity/?rss=yes

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  28. Richy

    J that cick is cute but she needs to wash her mouth out with soap and water.
    Did you see the thing about the Ozzie girl in Phuket and “beer mat theft” scandal?
    Its big news over here….

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  29. Maelstrom

    That chic was more than cute..and her mouth is fine ..soap and water ? she didn t say anything crude. I’m in love w/Clare

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  30. Caesar

    Yeah, I think you pretty much just described Silicon Valley in 1998. By the way, how does one detonate a “pinless” hand grenade? Perhaps they could be voice activited, and only blow up when a blue collar accent is detected.

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  31. 3B

    Sea trout is bony and mushy, redfish is a shallow bottom feeder. I prefer snapper.

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  32. J Macke

    Fuck political correctness, that’s so 1998. Most of you good folks here are wogs, gay police or car people. And if you don’t get this joke then that’s the problem with talking to my TV.

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  33. j

    Yea, Richy I saw that. She arrived back home today as a matter of fact (seeing her on the 6 o’clock news). I dunno what’s happening to the women folk down here. They’re all gone nuts.

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  34. Henry Fool

    I raised CASH to 30% yesterday I will do no buying today.
    Maybe more selling or what I like to call.
    “Locking in egregious gains.”

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  35. Cash-N-Guns

    3B..typical stupid response..i was fishing, boat-pole…on flats..Not in a fucking seafodd mkt jackass..who cares what you pre fucking fer….ahh not the fish swimming shitweasel. Plus your wrong about Redfish…go play with your goldfish dicklip

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  36. TraderCaddy

    Sea trout is pretty good on the grill Mexican style.
    Brush lightly with olive oil, salt and pepper, and put some lime juice on the fillets with about a minute left.
    Stick it in soft taco or a corn tortilla with shredded cabbage and a lime base mayo. Throw in some chopped onion, fresh cilantro and just a tad salsa, if you like. Some avocado is good in there also.
    Also can cook the trouts in a fry pan with some lemon butter (lemon juice and scrape some lemon zest).
    When done top with a few capers and some parsley.

    Need to fillet the sea trout carefully to get out the bones and don’t overcook it.
    Redfish is great. Never had any luck catching it however.

    An iBC PSA.

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  37. TheArtist

    well well, am I smelling napalm this morning?
    I love the smell of that stuff you know, hate the way it creates reverse air presurse though…..screws up the surf.

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  38. Steve

    Fly changes his positions more times than a Thai whore. I knew it was time to buy FAZ a few days back when Fly dissed it. Thanks again Fly my favorite contrarian indicator!

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  39. TheArtist

    RF getting the homo fondling it deserves this am. Those little invisible fairy midgets again.

    by the way, WTF is presurse? (pressure that is)

    TradderCaddy, I am leaving sat to go to Flagler beach, will be staying for 7 days and will be doing alot of fishing for reds, also taking the boat up the waterway to St. Augustine for a day and having a few beers at the Mill Top tavern (great little joint)

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  40. Cash-N-Guns

    TraderCaddy..hell yeah..i love that recipe..had it many times…! My son is at IMG golf camp this week in Bradenton-nice facility.

    Stocks I am loaded with FAZ and smaller SKF. STEM should make a move soon…imo.

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  41. Asshole Dip Buyer
    Asshole Dip Buyer

    I’m taking the morning off. Be warned.

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  42. j

    Cash:

    Is that part of the Bolleteri Tennis academy? Used to send my kid down there.

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  43. Oliver P. Shagnasty
    Oliver P. Shagnasty

    If todays market were a movie theater…Get Shorty would be playing on the big screen and chivasontherocks would be front and center enjoying a big tub of hot buttered popcorn as the movie begins.

    Good call chivas.

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  44. jg

    “Everyone but “The Fly” will become gay.”

    AM hilarity

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  45. The Contractor
    The Contractor

    Chivas has to be a very happy man this morning. Good call Chivas.

    Nice call by woodshedder as well.

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  46. j

    Cubs…

    It’s not over until the fat lady sings.

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  47. Woodshedder

    TC, to catch redfish, find you a nice oyster bed. Anchor your boat out about 30 feet from it. Let the incoming tide cover the bed with about 2-3 foot of water. Rig an adjustable float with a light sinker, and float a live shrimp or mud minnow over the oyster bank.

    You’ll tear the redfish up with that technique. Also works well with speckled trout.

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  48. TraderCaddy

    Cash- I know some of the present day college golfers and some of the PGA tour guys who went to the Bradenton IMG. If your kid is interested in golf (not knowing his age) I would suggest he play some of the tournaments in the Greater Tampa Junior Golf program. I believe Lee Janzen and Woody Austin played in them when they were juniors as well as some of the LPGA types.
    Good competition, good learning experience and they play good courses in the older age groups plus the kid has a fun time.
    Yes, J I believe the Bolleteri golf facility is nereby (from what I have heard).

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  49. DEVILDOG

    OOPS.

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  50. Cash-N-Guns

    J-Trader…J-yes part of the Bolleteri thing..Trader i agree – this summer he will participate-

    good trading gents..!

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  51. gappingandyapping
    gappingandyapping

    GME absolutely smoked, I am buying a touch here.

    FAZ and SRS not making up much ground is odd.

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  52. j

    Fuck it.. banks look okish… I’m adding to my Long Aussie and short dollar cad position.

    This down move is absolutely piss weak.

    I also added a little to my CUZ.

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  53. T MOE

    Yesterday I got short a big chunk of SPY (Big for me any way) almost at the high as it approached 930. IMO the rally has lost steam and the top is being created. The talking heads keep saying that there is big money on the sidelines and it will come in and buy any dips.
    What is to keep the same traders from shorting this weak whore??
    The best returning hedgies last year were macro funds, taking them collectively. These are the guys that have all of this so called money on the sidelines. With the macro-economic picture still looking grim and the downward trend still intact. I don’t think they are into chasing this rally. The rally is built on low volume and hope alone. The money on the sidelines is waiting to attack IMO.

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  54. T MOE

    CUZ, ha ha ha ha

    What, do you think it is positive that multi-family housing was the biggest part of the decline in new starts?

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  55. j

    Moe

    This stuff has been crushed. They don’t need to finance anything for the next two years so they don’t have any loan maturity risk and they seem to know what they’re doing. I also bought the first tranche about a dollar below so I still have a decent average. Mult family is just one part of their business.

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  56. Cash-N-Guns

    STEM finally moving on good volume…GERN exploding..long both.

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  57. Taco

    The Fly is a gay Roman god. What do you think all the cigar images are about? He writes in the style of a lisping, flamboyant homosexual who requires constant attention from straight Republican white males — that would be most of you.

    All in all, this probably helps his trading, though. So keep on… keep on, if you know what I mean.

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  58. j

    Asssie holding in well and doesn’t seem to like it below 77 cents. Cad doing okish. Euro Yen holding above 130 and actually looks like it wants top head higher.

    These are liquidity markers. The Stock market will do ok today and could possibly close in or near green.

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  59. isay

    We call them Speckled Trout(pan fried or Ceviche). Red Fish or Drum great grilled bay fish. Snapper, (offshore 30-35 ft. preferably off of an oil rig) it’s all good.
    Today seems like a good day to give back copious gains. I’ll troll for laughs, bad news, and green shoots today.

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  60. masterpain

    Market goes down…everybody wishes they were fishing….or cooking their catch

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  61. Richy

    I called MOS short yesterday afternoon at 57.75. Its now 52.50 and getting “kicked down open elevator shaft” fortunatley for me 🙂

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  62. masterpain

    grabbing some MOS for a trade here 52.60

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  63. DEVILDOG

    j Says:

    Asssie holding in well and doesn’t seem to like it below 77 cents. Cad doing okish. Euro Yen holding above 130 and actually looks like it wants top head higher.

    These are liquidity markers. The Stock market will do ok today and could possibly close in or near green.
    May 21st, 2009 at 10:16 am Vote: Add rating 1 Subtract rating 0

    BLOOMIN’ IDIOT.

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