Heeding to current iBC code, here is today’s news:

• People are getting jobs all over the place, just look at the initial jobless claims.  Unemployment is 0%. 
• Shanghai is up 9%.  As you know, everything that happens in China translates into 5x around the world.  Expect the US and every other market to rip up 45%, today. 
• Sam’s Club will only allow you 80 lbs of rice a day.  Is this really limiting sales?  No, it isn’t.  Who the fuck goes to Sam’s Club and buys 80 lbs of rice?  No one has ever done that.  Now, after the news release that tells people they are only allowed 80 lbs, everyone is going to rush to Sam’s Club and buy 80 lbs of rice for the first time ever.  This is a marketing scheme.  By the way, the restriction does not apply in New Mexico and Idaho.  I’m moving to Boise. 
• (ABK: 1.70 +14.09%) is up 8% in the premarket.  Why?  Because they are AAA rated.  Buy some.
• (F: 1.99 -4.33%) made $100 million!  They cut 4,200 jobs to do this, but why worry?  Those 4,200 people have found jobs already, due to jobs being handed out at every corner.  Consult this video if you have any questions.

Have fun, get drunk, buy cheap stocks like (F: 1.99 -4.33%), (ABK: 1.70 +14.09%), (TMA: 2.00 -18.03%), (CORS: 3.18 +36.48%), (XFML: 1.0599 -0.01%), (MOT: 4.68 +2.63%), (SIRI: 0.43 +7.50%), (TRMP: 0.74 -11.90%).

Look into Pair Trades that have funny names, like: (POT: 91.08 -1.91%)(CAKE: 10.96 +0.55%).  or (HOT: 21.03 +3.34%)(RACK: 8.29 +6.83%).  or (CU: 0.00 N/A)(NT: 1.63 -3.55%).  or my favorite, (SE: 16.60 -5.90%)(X: 44.59 -3.88%)(Y: 237.00 -8.46%)(MON: 78.66 -0.86%)(KEY: 6.79 +5.76%).