 | Don’t shoot! (I am merely the Messenger)by simplenoting on June 8th, 2008 at 11:39 am |
Wouldn’t it be nice if prior to a big meteor crashing on your house, someone would provide a little warning? That way, you might have time to stop watching your brain-numbing reality TV show and say a few Hail Mary’s in an attempt to avoid eternal damnation in the bowels of hell.
But, even better, wouldn’t it be nice if that same someone gave you the warning a full one and a half years in advance? That way you might actually have time to pack the car with your trivial personal belongings and move to another country, potentially saving your pathetic life (until you die naturally from venereal cancer).
Consider this that warning. Only, it is not a meteor you should be concerned with (although I wouldn’t rule one out). It is, instead, a collapse.
A collapse of what? (you ask). A collapse of everything. Just name it, and I can tell you with the utmost and infinite certainty that it will collapse — And not just a little collapse either. But, a really, really big one!
I started making a checklist, but after a few pages and only being 8% of the way complete, I realized it would be much simpler to instead make a list of things that would not collapse.
Here it is:
- Gold – Gold will continue to increase in value in direct proportion to the amount America collapses.
- Suicide Rates – Suicide rates will increase in direct proportion to the value of gold. (Rooftop suicides will enjoy an especially renewed resurgence).
- People being mean – Unbelievable as it may seem, people will become irrationally meaner than they are today.
- Foreign ownership of American Assets – Everything down to the neighborhood ice-cream van will be owned by a foreign entity.
- Organized crime – A new era of high-tech mob-style crime is quickly approaching (should make for entertaining television in about 50 years).
- China – The prophecy about China taking over the world will begin come to fruition.
But take heart — If you spend the next year and a half acclimating yourself to the misery that is to come, you will be able to withstand the forces of sudden overwhelming evil when it arrives in 2010. The trick is, by gradually eliminating all sense of hope now, you will develop a tolerance that diminishes the pain when the coming heinousness of the next century arrives.
In my next post, I will talk about how in 2014 the earth will blow up, and what you can do to mitigate the effects on your bank account.
Please get to your next post already…I’m intrigued
June 8th, 2008 at 12:03 pmI own gold and oil already so what now?
WTF?
June 8th, 2008 at 12:24 pmLOL BOOMER…That was hysterical!
June 8th, 2008 at 12:37 pmSimple- you have my attention. Please explain what is going to cause this collapse.
June 8th, 2008 at 12:58 pmHow much money do you anticipate needing after the world blows up?
June 8th, 2008 at 2:39 pmTry doubling down on your Prozac. Maybe that will help.
And trade in your crystal ball. I think the one you’re using is defective.
June 8th, 2008 at 4:14 pmSeems about right to me.
June 8th, 2008 at 5:18 pmGood post, please post like you said you would
http://www.ibankcoin.com/peanut_gallery/index.php/2008/02/16/philosophy-of-the-history-of-the-stock-market-part-ii/
“So, if you are person #2 (the smart person suppressing an inferiority complex), what can you do? How can you play the market without it sucking the emotional blood from your soul?” This is an apt question. And, next week, I will divulge a few secrets to overcoming the market’s eviscerating hold on this class of investor”
June 8th, 2008 at 7:01 pmI’ll try to address both Woodshedder and hey with the same response. Step 1, is to know the future. A lot of people think this can’t be done. But, really you just have to play the probabilities. For example, I predict that over the next 12 hours, the earth will rotate a bit more, causing the sun to appear over the horizon at approximately 6 am. Thats a simplified example, but extending that philosophy on a broader scale provides many worthwhile insights.
It also helps to realize that the world is bound by fate. If you don’t believe in fatalism, then you are stuck with the illusion of freewill. (Another topic).
There are many different ways of looking at the same things and hundreds of vaious interpretations, but only one truth. If you accept all possibilities without bias, then the truth tends to make itself known.
In other words the collapse will be caused by the same thing that causes the sun to rise. And, the intelligent investor will do well to apply the same emotional and intellectual effort as he does to contemplating that sunrise.
June 8th, 2008 at 9:29 pmBTW, simplenoting is long LSD.
June 8th, 2008 at 11:03 pmSimple, maybe your intellect is too developed for mine, but I do not fine your follow-up comment to bring any clarity.
If the collapse will be caused by the Earth spinning in space, which is caused by the gravitational pull of the sun, then are you saying the collapse will be caused by gravity?
June 8th, 2008 at 11:14 pm